Sometimes, Trauma…

…about Nervous System Regulation

Recently, my mind’s piggy bank had a new coin deposit: I realised that Nervous System Regulation Practices might be viewed differently by clients, as opposed to how they are seen by the Trauma-Informed Therapist.

In session, a longer-term client with CPTSD was going over a plan for Self-Regulation in the wake of a problematic event. We were discussing what they might have in their “Trauma Toolkit” to try and help their nervous system get safe again over the coming week. They commented how relieved they would be when they no-longer needed to “do the stuff”; the breathing, the self-care, the Mindfulness, or the self-soothing action. They envisaged charging off into the post-therapy landscape in unflappable armour, free of the tedium of learning how to love themselves proactively and practically. They wouldn’t need to stop and control their breathing, or do Relaxations in the future, because they would be “Healed“.

Initially, I felt a little nonplussed: these are good things to do, so why would you want to have less self-care in the future? Wasn’t it good to live more in the body and to stretch and breathe? I realised the client was viewing their toolkit as temporary: it would become redundant upon “healing”. In that golden future, their amygdala would stop doing its destabilising, irritating thing and they would feel calm all the time, living as they would have done had they not become traumatised in the first place. They would effectively become “normal” and join the rest of the human race, who didn’t need to stop and breathe or practise active mindfulness.

We were seeing things differently. I felt I was offering a holistic and permanent lifestyle change, to calm and soothe. My view of the successful future was of a client moving forwards as an emotionally skilled person. The client’s view however was of a “purged” version of the traumatised self, or someone who was no longer capable of dysregulation. 

Again, I am reminded how hard it is for clients to realise that their reaction to their trauma is, in fact, a normal one. It is the trauma that was the abnormal event. The brain responds as it is supposed to: 

Abnormal Event + Lack of Support/Care in Recovery = High Capacity for the longer-term brain changes of PTSD.

If traumatic events happen, the brain will respond appropriately, prioritising survival. The PTSD brain keeps on thinking it is IN the trauma, so it continues to keep this imperative, destroying the opportunity to feel safe.

We cannot live without this survival circuitry, nor spend our daily lives under its tyranny.

I gently pointed out to the client that the work ahead was to integrate the toolkit and always have access to it – to thrive using it on the bad days and have confidence it is with you on the good ones. After all, after many years of gradually learning to play a new instrument that harmonises with life so beautifully, why would you want to put it in a case and never play it again? 

Later that day, another client with CPTSD described a different penny dropping moment about Regulation. In the wake of bad news, they came to therapy: something difficult happened and they felt sad. It was really a tough gig; they had cried a lot. But, in the midst of it, they realised that a new Observer Part was witnessing and supporting their tears. It was a normal and appropriate reaction. They were outside of their “Window of Tolerance” (Dan Siegel, 1999), because the situation was hard – but they had plenty of resources to calm themselves down and offer comfort. They were IN their life on a bad day, not in the trauma on the worst day. The Witness helped them notice the difference, and even feel grateful for their appropriate grief.

This, then seems like the goal for trauma “Recovery”. Like all humans, any survivor of trauma will continue to have stresses, they will have grief, they will have days when they feel low and find it hard to get out of bed. They may even have unknown traumas in the future. But like all humans who are alive to the spectrum of their feelings, there will be appropriate emotional responses to difficult circumstances. And the ones who have done lots of therapy – unlike many people – will have an toolkit of different resources to help them cope with what arrives in the drama of being human.

Hannah Duncan “Sometimes, Trauma…” 11th November 2023