I will use the word “Couple” here, recognising that there are many relationship types that may present to this type of therapy, including families, parents with their grown children or even close friendships.
I have been offering Couples Therapy since 2019 following training with Cabby Laffy, author of Love, Sex and Other Relationships, (see the links page), which included aspects of Imago theory, amongst other relationship models. The space I offer clients here is an active space, demanding that both parties seek to try and increase their understanding of each other and allow for safe, but vulnerable exploration of what is happening in the current relationship and in their past relationships as well.
Starting a couple therapy is not an easy thing for many people and sometimes one party is more invested than the other. The sad reality is that sometimes a couple will leave things very late in the day, to a point where circular conflicts abound, and resentments foster on both sides. It can be hard to listen to each other when there is so much history and hurt.
Creating a truly safe space for all participants is central to how I work and only working with what might be realistic and achievable. If both parties are unable to feel I am offering them support, whilst managing the “triangular” relationship, the therapy is unlikely to be successful. For this reason, the sessions are totally “opt in”. I may meet all parties individually first, to build trust and to answer any questions.
When starting therapy, I typically contract with a couple for 6 sessions, at which point we review the work, and I offer my honest feedback on my experience of the relational dynamics at place. At this point, if it is felt the therapy is beneficial for everyone, we agree what might need to be worked, moving forwards. Following an Initial Assessment Session, this 6-week period is the basic commitment of this type of therapy.
What might be achievable for Couples Therapy?
- Setting and meeting goals that are achievable – both parties will need to be active in this.
- An increase in awareness and a better understanding of what is happening between you – regardless of the decisions made for the future of the relationship.
- Dialoguing and better communication – we will seek a full dialogue and exploration of what is and has been happening in the dynamics between you.
- Trying to find a common language, looking at the nuances behind the things that are said and what is meant.
- Recognising that, whilst a couple, you might have different needs as individuals – or traits that work well outside the relationship but not well in the relationship.
- Understanding a little of how the past and formative relationships of our lives find their own “play” and drama in the intimate relationships of our adulthoods. This helps us to realise what is going on unconsciously in the relationship and move beyond these reactions/triggers to something that is owned in a healthy way and which helps support each other.
- To be able to take the skills learned from therapy out into your relationship and wider life.
Couples Therapy is about commitment and a willingness to change and move forwards.
The above list is only achievable in this context.
The enquiry form for Couples & Other Relationship Therapy can be found HERE.
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